Can You Speak English?

I tried something strange today.. i spoke English to my dad.. sure big deal.. you see it is a big deal.. i can write english.. but i can't really speak properly.. mostly just words that i put together into sentence.. i mean it's not that easy.. cause BM has been my primary language for 19 years now.. i didn't choose it to be my primary language.. but everyone is speaking it.. so i'm kinda forced into it.. cause i don't think everyone is comfortable in speaking english to everyone.. like me for example.. i can't remember the last time i have a long conversation in English..

So.. i don't know.. today might be my starting point.. cause i talk to my dad.. and still i don't think he takes me seriously.. cause i've been trying to get him to talk English to me.. but he does sometimes.. but not all the time.. i mean numerous times i tried.. and tonight i tried again.. hopefully it would stick..

It's really hard.. even my little cousins are speaking english and i'm kinda disappointed in myself for not being able to talk it comfortably.. but they're kids.. they haven't develop embarrassment yet.. and they have like probably the lowest level of shyness.. and that is a problem for me.. and you know how people talk.. i mean if you try speaking english to them.. then they will instantly start to judge you that you're trying to show off by speaking English.. so.. i'm taking a stand.. to not be afraid of what other thinks and instead.. just be comfortable and know that you're not doing anything wrong.. if speaking English is wrong.. then sue me.. i don't care.. okay that's a figurative speech.. but still i wanna be those person who don't give a rat's ass.. i've always wanted to use that.. but never really had the chance..

And i'm putting Not Speaking In BM in my five year plan.. that's how i'm serious about this stuff.. but i don't know if i could make it not speaking BM in 5 years.. although it's worth a try..

Full Stop!