well, nothing interesting, im doing my assignments, after a hard day of playing games, interesting isn't that interesting, i have a new sight on living, this one is positive, well the last one i post is negative and a lil bit cheaper to do, this one is kinda expensive to do so, anyway the life im talking about is Traveling, going to concerts, meet celebrities, eat the most famous food in the world, meet important people, living in a big house, lots of money, got a steady girlfriend, looks like nothing can go wrong there, well this is my definition of living in a positive way..
I'm just clueless about everything, i can't figure out on my own, not that i ever do, but it kinda sucks that i have to depend on someone, wish that i could do it on my own, stand on my own feet as they say or plainly Just Do It, seriously if there's a way i would give anything to do it.
I feel nothing, i think im dead inside, it all started when i was young, i use to be bright, in studying that is, i use to like math, i remember doing my homework on my cousin house, sitting there with my grandma and my aunt who is taking there, i was just sitting there doing my math home work while waiting for my aunt to prepare me a meal before i go to school, i use to remember that she always cook fishcakes, that's exactly what i had before going to school, and the softest rice i have ever tasted, of course there is the occasional vegetables, but if she's lazy she'll just cook me instant noodle with eggs, still taste good, probably the best, and there one argument i had with my aunt with my homework, i was suppose to do a line on example of using a word and somehow i thought about "I ate 10 eggs today", and she just didn't agree with me, she says that it's not logical, well of course it isn't but then again it isn't real.
Then Primary 3 started, maths got harder, and i hate hard things, which lead to my hatred against mathematics, seriously i wish i didn't had that feeling such a regret, after that i just stop thinking, eventually i died inside, i feel nothing, sometimes i forgot that i even exist, that i had parents who love me, who cared about me, who are worried if im sick or doing fine, For several years i tried to get the feeling of being alive again, but i don't exactly know how to, i tried studying again, but still i feel nothing, but i have couple of theories on why im dead inside.
First of all, i mention that i use to watch lots of television, somehow i guess that the television kinda burned up most of my neutron cell so that i can't think anymore, but it gives me other things like better in english and remembering useless crap, oh well i take what ever i can get.
Then there the factor number 2 which is Mobile phone, i use a mobile phone at a very young age even though i have nothing serious to use it with, and i always kept it beside me every night i sleep, i guess that somehow also burned up my neutron cell, the radiation that it gives burned up half of my brain, and the other half is burned from watching television, i don't know if that makes any sense to you all but, then again that's my theory, who knows maybe it's true, maybe it's now, and i've google about trying to find answers, of like who you are, well im not really serious at looking at it, but sometimes i wonder why me, why am i the only one, who can see other people but not me, can feel what people feels but through my own eyes, yeah sometimes i do ask question about why, mostly is why here, there's lots of places in the world, im still searching though, but maybe im just scared of finding the answer that isn't fit for me, who knows maybe im better off not knowing the truth, i guess the truth is out there, and there's nothing else to do but search it, maybe when im older, when i get to understand life of what it is and what it can bring to you, this so called life is hard to deal with, it's hard to know what you're doing, maybe the right things you're doing are the wrong things.
Okay im rambling there but anyway who knows right? probably god..
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