June, nothing much is gonna happen this month, just that, i have about a month here before i go back, i'm suppose to be happy at home, but i'm not, cause i feel like i'm useless, cause i barely do anything here, i've been like not doing anything for the past couple of months, and it's slowly killing me, i was born to do something, not to waste time on it, but it's not that i haven't tried, i'm just a lazy person, and the more i'm thinking of it, the more i feel like it's a problem and not really a lifestyle, that i should take care of by, i don't know, go to a counseling session or something.
It's things like this that i feel like i need to search for that thing that's stucked within me, so that i could realize what's the problem that i've been having, cause i know there's something, if there's nothing, i wouldn't have these sorts of problem, i just wish i could figure it out sooner, cause i don't wanna be stuck like this for the rest of my life.
At least while i'm there, i'm preoccupied, i don't get to sit on my ass all day doing nothing, i got class, test, projects, assignments, all those things.
Now i wonder, like when i was younger i hated all those things that they made us do while we're in school, but now i realize they make us do it for a reason, i just wish that they kinda make us understand why we need to do it rather than just like shove it on our faces and just not really know what's going on, i use to like slacking when i was a kid, cause school wasn't great, you go to school early in the morning and you left late in the evening and all you wanted to do is rest, but your parents are pushing you to study, and you hated that cause you've just spent a day in school and they want you to read books, as if it wasn't enough in school, and later on you've became lazy and without realizing, it's taking you away from all of the things, you began reluctant to do anything, you're unenthusiastic about everything, even the little things, i'm hoping that parents will learn a better way to ask their children to study rather than making study look like it's work rather than something to be taking truthfully and seriously.
Cause it's all those things that we're gonna be using later on in life, when i was a kid, i didn't realize that, i mean, we're studying but for what? i see grown up out there and i don't see any crap that we've been learning that they are using, so why the hell am i learning?, i mean, i just feel like it's something that we've been force without knowing that it's for our own good but instead we began to hate it cause it's not fun, oh i don't wanna do that cause it gives me a headache.
I'm just sad that i turned out this way when i know that i deserve, no.. i belong in a better place, but i've done this to myself, and i'm like, like there's no hope for me, even with tears, there's no turning back time, i guess the hardest part is realizing, that i've just threw away my hopes, and maybe my dreams, and for what? for something that gives me pleasure momentarily, but ultimately preventing me from being the potential person that i could be, i could be done with taking my Degree by now and on my way on taking my Master's degree, but instead, i'm taking a diploma, and i have to say it sucks, while all the other people already have their degree's, their master's degrees, and probably their Ph.D, i'm still stucked here, halfway, taking a diploma, that's like far from where they are, i strive for success, but the road is not shown, so i'm like lost, in the middle, between cross pathways, I'm sick of it all, just for a moment, i wish i could take things seriously instead of just...
So that's me for june, pouring my feelings onto what, a virtual sheet of paper, i just want my old life back.
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