I've never been social about showing my feelings, cause i thought that i had none, well, i kinda feel like i'm keeping all of it inside, and like one mistakes, all of those feelings that i kept inside me could simultaneously blow during that one take.
See, i'm not even making sense, i just feel weird right now, it's a weird feeling, although, i don't really know how i usually feel, it's kinda like breathing, you're doing it every day, practically, and you don't even know you're doing it, but once you thought to yourself that you're breathing, you're suddenly become conscious that you are, in fact breathing, and it's a weird feeling, like all these times why am i not aware that i've been breathing although i am, but after a while it fades out and again, you're forgetting that you are breathing.
I don't hate my parents, if anything i love them, it's just that i don't really know how to show my appreciation to them, oh wait i do, by doing good in school, oh wait i failed at that one too..
It's just that i can't control my feelings, cause i barely showed any feelings, i don't really know how to feel, but sometimes i do, i guess that's good right?, but most times, i don't even know what i'm doing, i am not aware of what i am currently doing, well except now, i'm writing in my blog, well that seems obvious enough, but it's like that breathing thing, who knows, maybe i'm the only one who doesn't have feelings.
But seriously though, i think it's this anxiety of being an only child, see both my parents have siblings, so what i'm thinking is that, all their chores are in fact being given to everyone to even it out, but i'm alone, so basically, i'm the only one who has to do all the things, which i may include is a must as a child to your parents, but i'm like the only friggin one, and all the pressure is being given to me, there's like no one else beside me to even it out, i mean at least if i had a twin, it could been alternating between me and him, look, i don't ask for much, but i would just wish not to be asked to do everything, i'm only human, and i am only capable of only so much, i know i sound like a brat like now, but hey, this is the only way i know how to show my feeling i guess, something like that, now i'm finally understanding why blogging is for people who have way too much time too waste, but not necessarily, okay i guess this is kinda like a pointless post, actually i don't have any reason for why i'm writing this, i guess i am mad.
Anyway, today, it's kinda weird, actually met my old classmate who's actually working, the weird thing is that he became friendly, why is it weird, cause he's one of the bullies who run the school, no not really, i'm just trying to make him sound terrifying, but he did indeed bully some people, and by some people i meant me, actually it's not him alone, he has like a gang or something that targets a number of people including myself, but thinking of it now, i don't really remember being bullied, i mean it's not that bad, it was kinda of a tease or something like that, but it's still bullying i guess, i mean there are more worser case of bullying in this world like cyber bullying which incidentally includes death which is scary, but i believe in a perfect world, bullying doesn't exist, well we don't live in that world obviously, and there's this movie called Another Earth, which looks kinda cool, you should check the trailer on youtube.
Anyway, we got to talk a little, asking bout he's job, and all sorts of crap, saying he changed his habits, okay i kinda understand that a little bit now, actually i have no words.
Okay, looking into more things to write about, i have to say, buying an air purifier is without a doubt the most pointless thing i ever bought, well see, i didn't bought it with my money, my mom had like 2k points in SenQ, so she decided to redeem all the points, well i got like a dual blade shaver which is kinda cool cause it's actually rechargeable, which in most case it is not, actually most people don't even have the privileged to use a shaver with automatic blades, most of them use manual and you don't hear them complaining.
Anything today, actually there's nothing that i found interesting today, it's just a normal day, well except that my shoulders hurt when i'm walking around and my parents pin pointed me that only a little walk makes my body aches, well it's been a while since i've walked, by walked i meant went outside, you probably know me by now that i don't do out a lot.
So there's this test coming up next month, and to be honest, i haven't study for it yet, plus my report isn't even done yet, but it seems like i'm not the only one, but still i'm worrying about it now, i really feel careless, it's like i have nothing to look forward to and i hate it, i wish there's something that i would look forward too, suddenly my life felt empty, which is sad, obviously, well, for once in my life, i want to do something productive other than watching television, playing online games, or writing in some pointless (EHEM!!...) blog, that was directed at me, i see some people do that kinda stuff and i feel the need to follow them, okay i'll come up with something original, (Excuse Me!) there..
Anyway, it's been fun talking to you, although this is not a video, have you ever seen vloggers, the thing i like about vloggers is when you're watching their video, and of course you'll know that it's just a video, but you watch it, and it's kinda like you're talking to some one, well actually they're talking to you, you'll feel like they're talking to you, and it's kinda great to me that vloggers has that ability to make the viewers feel like they're talking to them, i don't know if Vloggers are aware of that, cause you see, from what i can observe from their point of view is that, they're talking to a camera, which is a little awkward, but then, the result of them being like talking to you in front of your screen is amazing, well that's just me..
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