But, that's not my point, my feelings are more towards to my own personal memories... like christmas.. i don't think i remember my first christmas very well, but i do remember when i was a kid, my parents would put together the big christmas tree, of course at that time it looked bigger cause i was small, but now, i don't know whose taller me or the tree, cause my parents threw the tree away due to termite problems.. sad, now all i'm left is with a small white christmas tree.. i miss those moments when me, my parents and my uncles would put together ornaments on the christmas trees, putting on color lights so that after the tree is finished being put together, the lights were dim and all you've left is this beautiful tree glowing right in front of your eye, and for a moment, i was actually happy.
It didn't end there, we would also help my aunt put on her christmas tree, of course, her tree is much bigger and much more beautiful, and we did had fun..
But my most memorable christmas memories had to be in Lahad Datu, every single year after i end my school year, i would go to Lahad Datu as fast as possible, i would go there and stay there for a month, just to clear my head and see my aunts, uncles, and cousin once more.. and when december comes, they would also put on christmas tree, the tree was beautiful, with different lights glowing from the trees, and there's a singing santa, which they put a stool on the santa to stand on, the santa was short and tiny.. One christmas, my cousin became Santa claus and gave up candy and i can't help my self but to laugh my heart out, it was funny, and it was memorable...
Somehow, i wish i could bring all those moments back together and live in it forever...
So, my dad just came back from Lahad Datu, he went there to celebrate my uncle/ his brother retirement, he went there with my other uncles and aunts.. again, Lahad Datu is one of my favorite place for lots of reason, i don't know why, but i just felt so at home over there, but things change now, the house looks different, the feeling fades away, the blue and white tiles i remember when i was a kid was gone, the white and blue hand painted walls were overshadowed with orange and beige wallpaper... The tall blue gates were replaces with a sliding black small gates.. i remember when me and my cousin were kids, we tried to play volleyball over the gates with a basket ball, and there's a spiky metal on it, and i screwed it up and inflated the ball.. some memories those were...
Other than places and events, i also missed people, how they used to be, but sadly, they have change..
My dad..
I remember when i was a kid, my dad would surprised me every chance to get and i would get happy and excited for it.. like when i was a kid, i wanted a Gameboy, but i didn't thought that i would be getting it, but on my birthday, my dad bought me to a game store, and bought me a Gameboy, of course, he didn't wrapped it in present paper, but i was still surprised, i didn't thought that i would have it, yet there i stand, next to my dad, with my hand firmly holding the purple colored Gameboy, i missed that.. but now, i hardly get any surprises anymore, ever since we stopped getting presents on Christmas, things seriously changed.. alot...
My cousins..
When i was small, my cousins used to bully me all the time when they had a chance, sure it was a hell for me back then, but it was probably due to their brainwashing maid.. seriously, my life was hell every time my dad send me over to my cousins place, every single time i passed those gates, i knew my life would never be in peace after wards.. my cousins torture me bad, mentally, i remember, they used to lock me in the house alone while all of them are outside laughing at me, and when i get the chance to get out, they would get in and left me alone out side, and my pillow who i loved so dearly, the pillow was from my parents wedding, it was pink and soft and squared shaped with leaf all over it. It was my favorite pillow in the whole entire world, and they flush it down the toilet... not that it's gone, but it's dirty, and i was sad, i couldn't do anything but cry over it...
But after sometimes, things change, and it was strange, my cousins who torture me so badly became one of my favorite cousins when i grew up a little bit, i seriously don't know what changed, but it did, and now, i'm left with memories of having a great time with them, laughing, eating outside together, spending family moments... but as time past, things changes more rapidly.. though they were my favorite cousins, all of them grew up and have their own problem, and the worst part is that, i always felt alone, the cousin that i once knew was nowhere to be found, but sometimes, even when i knew it wouldn't bring them back.. and know that i can't get myself attached to them cause i would end up getting hurt, i still feel a little bit of them when they were kids, they made me laugh, happy, worth while, and like i actually have brothers and sisters... and now all i'm left is the memory of them, torturing me, even though it's not a perfect memory, but, it's all i got of them..
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