Seems like only yesterday i was still a baby, i don't remember a lot of things from when i was a baby, except the fact that i was locked up in a car, some other time, but other than that, i remember when i was a kid, i would spend my days with my mother watching television, there was this cartoon about this big shoe and a lot of characters was living in it, i don't really remember the name of the show, but i think i enjoyed it, there was also that time which i only remembered through a picture where i organized my toys on the table, it kinda seems cool, i used to have so much toys, and now they're thrown out, and i think i might have been confused for a little while, when i was a kid, i don't know why, but my mom and i were fasting, i couldn't quite get it at that moment, cause i wasn't allowed to eat or drink for some time, i might have thought that i was a muslim, but i didn't know anything about religion back then, and now i'm growing up, turning 20, in college, away from my parents, and finding meaning in life.
I guess writing has been the only thing that keeps me going, no matter where i am, what time is it, i'm always writing, maybe not everything in this blog, but i do write other times, i kinda wish that my writing have some meaning for it like it's worth something rather than just writing to let my so-called feelings out.Sometimes i think that i don't have any feelings, and it does kinda scares me, but if i don't have any feelings, how do i explain me feeling nausea after going for a ride in Genting Highland Theme Park, and feeling scared when i feel like there's paranormal things going on, or maybe feelings scared that i would be scolded by my parents if i did something wrong. But there are other feelings that i'm incapable of.
Psychopath
I used to thought that they are killers, but some of em' are, some of em' aren't, but i know that they're actually a manipulative people, other words, they don't feel anything, they don't feel love, they don't feel pain, they don't feel remorse or guilty, it's kinda cool, but it's scary, cause they can really act and what's worse is that, they're controlling us somehow, they're actually smart, that's where the manipulative parts kicks in, but most of them are kind of a killer, the easiest example to see is Dexter, if you have ever watched that show.
Changing topics, so turning 20, i kinda feel like i need to do a list of things that i need to be done before i hit 20, cause i'm turning 20 in less than a month, if you need help trying to figure out when is my birthday, it's on the URL, kinda named my blog after my birthday. One things for sure is that i'm not gonna celebrate my birthday, probably just sulk in my room waiting for seventh august to come, to me it's just another day, i know i'm suppose to celebrate my birthday, but i haven't celebrate my birthday since my 18th birthday, i guess i should celebrate a little bit for the fact that i made it to 20 years of life, most people who are hitting 20 seems to celebrate it, yeah but it's easier for them than it is easier for me.
Yes, i'm one sad human being, but maybe it's genetics, maybe i'm altered to be sad, like there's no amount of happiness that can change my mood. So, i'll stop here before i say something stupid.
No comments:
Post a Comment