Okay, i don't even know if you'll be reading this, cause i've been not blogging for a month, and the last post i did was Endjoy which is ironic cause the title says END, don't worry, i'm not quitting blogging nor am i dead for the past month, crap, i can't even joke about being dead.
I'm just figuring out life which most people are doing day by day, but the reason for me stopping writing for the last month was, well if you didn't read all my post, you'll find that it's rather dull to say the least, but i'm done with non-sense, i wanna make something out of my life, something meaningful, something that can change a persons point of view.
To be honest, i'm not that person, YET, cause i can't write anything that could probably make you cry, though it would be cool if people actually cry reading one of my post, not that i support people being sad, but it's just that it's wonderful that with words, you could give so much emotion to other people just by reading, i believe that's a great power for a writer, not only sad/poetic/moving, but there's a lot of things that could be done like laughter, love, lies, yeah i'm out of L'sss.
But i believe that i would change, maybe not today, but someday, i just don't have the right tools yet, neither do i know what to do.
So far, for the last 19 years, yeah i'm turning 20 on the MONTH OF AUGUST!, i'm semi-sad to be old, i'm gonna be TWENTY, yeah i'm getting a little obnoxious here, but seriously, TWENTY!, okay i promise that's the last time i'm gonna do that, TWENTY YEARS! of life, how could someone cope with that, i barely know anything for the last 19 years but i'm eager to learn and gain more knowledge as i'm getting older, i mean, isn't that what growing old is about? learning life first hand instead of learning life through a box (Television), but i may be hypocritical here, cause i seriously learn most of the things in my life through television, without television, i doubt that i would be the person that i am today, but there are some drawbacks, i won't go through details but here's what i am and what i can describe myself for the last 20 years.
I was born an only child, bet you didn't know that!, yeah but most people could tell just by looking at me, i seriously hate that when it happens, people could tell that i'm something just by a glance, you don't know me, seriously, people like that are judgemental, nah, i don't really hate those people, but it sucks that they can read me and i can't read them, am i really that transparent? yeah, but first impression are always important, blah blah blah.
Being an only child was easy? i don't know, i go through an endless stream of loneliness with only cousins that could make me feel as if i had any brothers or sister, but that seems gone now, and college, college was fun, especially the first semester where i met 3 random roommates which i wouldn't trade anything for, they have given me so much, man i sound so.. i don't have any words, what i meant is that i like having 3 adopted brothers which is really cool cause i would see them everyday in my room, cause i was obnoxious cause i never live in a dorm before college, so it's hard for me, but they sure made it easy, i was actually going for a two room, at that time i was like hoping for a bond i guess, cause i had a lot of good friends through the years, but they always seem to escape me somehow, i have no idea how that happens, so i was determine to get a roommate, but just as soon as i arrive at my college, turns out that all the 2 bed rooms were taken, and there's one but all the appliances furniture was wreck by former tenants.
But good news is that i have 3 new roommates, all in all they were good i guess, none of them smokes, i don't really like smokers, i don't hate them, but i don't like them neither. But that's not all of it, the orientation week, worst week of my life, i know you think that i'm being dramatic over here, but i'm not, i'm dead serious, every single day of my life (Atleast for that week) i had to get up at 4 friggin AM for a drill, and it's a little unfair, because most of the people that they were trying to get out of bed were muslim student cause they had to pray in the morning, while the rest of us wait outside on the field on a wet grass, well it doesn't end there, but i'm not gonna talk bout it, maybe later.
So that's college, well, it's not the end of my college life yet, i got a solid year left.
If you're actually seen me around, well that's quite impossible, cause i rarely go out, it's not that i don't want to, but the only transportation i got is my parents, i don't mean literally my parents, but they're kinda my ride, and i would usually go out with them instead of asking for them to give me a ride somewhere, yeah, i guess i'm attached to them, you know cause i'm an only child, i barely get outside the sun, would i be any different if i had any brothers or sisters? i would think so, cause most of my abilities to talk to people are very low, it seems that i could only talk to people that i know, and there's a lot of people out there, and i'm afraid i guess, i don't know, it's really hard for me to talk to people at parties, but i'm determine to change, well the problem that i'm facing is to be able to talk in front of a whole class or group, cause i don't do it so well, i barely could talk in high school, not that i was so scared that i pissed myself in my pants, but kinda shaky, well, if i had siblings, i would probably be a little bit better cause i actually have people to talk with, or probably getting bullied, cause most people with siblings do get bullied, but i'm over it, i'm bigger, more humane, mature and understanding, let's all grow up and leave the past where it belongs, in the past and let bygones be bygones, actually proud of that..
Well, i'm mostly talking bout my weakness here, so i guess that gives you advantages over me, yeah, but i don't get enemies that often.
I guess it's safe for me to say i'm back and well, actually i'm not well, i have an injury on my right leg, and yeah i'm stating it here, just to remember these moments, cause it's actually hard to walk with your right foot unable to do anything and it's so painful to step on it, that's just how strong i am, yeah right..
Actually i don't know how i was injured, i mean i know the source but it doesn't make sense, okay it kinda does, so listen up, bout few days ago, some miraculous gift from above actually convinced my dad to play badminton with me, well i've been dying to play badminton for a long time, we used to play but it was a long time ago, how long? LAST FRIGGIN YEAR!, that's how long. So i kept saying "Play,Play,Play" but my dad rarely listens to me so i guess why not give it a shot? so i did and it would probably be my last time playing badminton, the reason that i wanted to play badminton is i don't exercise much which contribute me into getting big, unhealthy, overweight, yeah basically all those things, well i did tried exercising but it didn't last long, and i've actually met lots of people who used to be fat but is now skinny, and as usual i would ask them what they did? all they say is diet,diet,diet, i don't know why i'm tripling my words now, but funny thing is that diet is DIE with a T, i've actually learned that from the back cover of garfield.
As for dieting, actually it went well( Sarcasm ), but no seriously, when i was in college, i don't know how much weight i actually lost, but i think i did lose some weight cause i feel like my clothes were getting loser, yeah but it was a pain, not really, like the first week was hard, cause what i did was not eat at night, so what i did is buy some chips, oatmeal cookies, soya bean drinks.
And i would eat like 4 pieces of potato chips and drink a small box of soya bean and 3 packets of oatmeal cookies, oatmeal cookies actually helps me poop which is good i guess, seriously, most of the things that we eat does eventually have to come out somewhere and i swear that i poop every single day and sometimes 2 times a day, i've feel so happy looking forward to poop, okay sorry for that, yeah it all went well when one night, i've fallen, for all the nights that i didn't eat, it's really amazing how one bite could change all things, there was this guy who sells Nasi Lemak at night, and i seriously blame that guy, okay, i know i should've been stronger, and i said to myself that this is gonna be a one time thing only, but damn it, those Nasi Lemak was so damn good, okay, maybe not that good, i might been over expressing, but it's okay to fill that void in my stomach, but it went crazy till then, but i did lose some weight i guess, there was even one night that i didn't ate at all, might be a dumb move but i feel like i accomplish something, yeah but it's nothing big, but sadly i could only do it one time, i was trying to not eat for a whole day for at least once a week, but i only did it one time.
But it wasn't easy dieting, especially when you're in college, but it was way harder back home, especially when my parents around, they just wouldn't stop shoving food in my mouth, i used to miss my mom home cookings, but ever since we move to our new house, it has just been an endless rampage of eating outside and taking the foods to our home, yeah, but i was too weak i guess, i did tried to make them stop buying food from the outside, but i don't have that much power, i've even tried to bring my parents not to eat at night but they kept insisting that we at least drink, yeah right.. we didn't even drink, we just ate.
Oh yeah, before i forgot, i tried exercising, but it's not much, just climbing the stairs up and down for a lot of times, i don't know how many, but i count through songs, how does that work? well grab a pair of earphones or headphones and an MP3 player and put all your favorite songs in there, and count 20 times as you're going up the stairs going up and down count as one time and after 20 times, just do the same things over three songs, sounds easy right? yeah it's not hard but it ain't easy either, but it really did made me sweat which is good, remember, one song would be like 3 or 4 minutes, so 3 songs for that amount of time each. But it didn't end there, i was kinda pushing myself, so i did like sitting in bed and just sit straight up for about 50 times which is really hard, i could easily do 30 but after that, it becomes hard, and i could feel the burn in my stomach, and i'm just glad i did 50, but then i do the same thing, but this time i used both my hand to pull me up, using hands is a little bit easy so i tried doing 100, but it really makes me dizzy, but the best i got is 200, which makes me dizzy more, you thought i was finish? no i was just starting, after that i had no idea what to do, so the next thing i did was fairly simple, grab a stool and put your hands on that stool as your laying in the bed and hold your self for a one full song, that was like the most easiest part and all the sweat just falls of my face which is a good sign, but it really gives your hand a bit of numbness cause your blood flow is actually blocked with your hand trying to hold your weight, so it's kinda blue, i was trying to do push up but i can barely do 20, so i end up trying to hold myself.
Okay next part, my exercise-routine-at-home didn't go as planned, i kinda stopped, well, i wouldn't have stop if my parents didn't drag me to following them, but i can't do much, all i can do is give in, so after that, it kinda gets hard to start again, mostly laziness kinda consumes me, and procrastination is eating me alive. So on that miraculous day that my dad finally decide to play badminton, even though he only have one more day to study but he spent that time playing badminton with his son, oh so sweet, it was great actually, see i'm not a pro at playing badminton, kinda hate it whenever that one hit thing is going on, so the best part was the chain of endless hitting, but it didn't go long, cause i suck, but not too much, just the appropriate amount, i wasn't giving up easily, my dad kept asking me if i wanted to stop i kept saying no, the amazing thing is that i don't feel any pain when i played badminton but i still sweat but when i exercise, it hurts like hell, so i decided to play badminton as much as i can cause who knows when will i get another chance to play badminton, cause the last time i played was a year ago..
so yeah, after finishing playing badminton, i wanted more, well not more badminton, but i ask my dad if we could go around the neighborhood to walk cause there were some people taking a walk around the house so i decided to follow.
So, a walk we took, but halfway reaching to my house i asked my dad if we could do more, first i tried asking for 5 more rounds but he hesitate, then i lower it to 3 rounds, still he hesitate, but at the end he let's me do as much rounds as i wanted, but sadly i could only do 3 more rounds, i was aiming for 5 more rounds but the pants i was wearing that day was not meant for walking, it's really uncomfortable to walk, the clothes was just, stuck, yeah i can't go through details on that one.
And the day after that, i didn't really feel any pain in my leg, but the day after that is when i feel a little pain, so i took a look at my leg and notice that there's a little bump on my leg so i push it, like i was trying to push it back where it came from, but it didn't do anything, then when i finally tried to go to sleep, is when it all started, the pain that actually made me scream like a little girl, okay maybe not, but it really hurt and it manage to make me squeal which i don't do very often, even when i was in pain, but this was a new level of pain that i'm experiencing, so painful that i could almost scream, but it wouldn't be a good idea, so i tried my best to try to sleep, but it was friggin painful, i spent nearly 2 hours going left, right, center to try to find a spot that my leg wouldn't hurt, but everywhere i go it hurts, then i decided to take a medicine, but i didn't do so until it was nearly 7 cause i didn't wanna wake my mom up too early and i was scared that i would awaken her, yeah, i mean who's not scared of their mother, well i'm just glad my mother stop screaming at me, well since then i grew up so much, i barely did anything wrong, but i became lazy and i'm starting to think that making troubles is actually an active lifestyle that will not make you lazy, but i'm afraid that's too late for me, but i am scared just looking at my cousin getting scold by her mother, man, i'm really glad that she is not my mother, cause she would yell at her daughter even in public, but i don't know any of the details of what she did wrong, so yeah, i feel a little sympathy for her, but her life is so much better than mine, so i'm envious.
So it's 7 am, and i'm like finally i'm getting medicated, but turns out, it was way harder, see, i lived in a 3-storey house and my room is in the third storey, my parent's we're suppose to live on the other room, but what they did? simplified.. they did another room on the first floor so that they wouldn't climb the stairs, but i didn't really mind it that much, and another thing i hate is that whenever i was going to go through a lot of stairs, like my current house, my parents say that i would get skinny just by climbing the stairs, well i didn't so that doesn't proves anything, and on my third semester, i lived on the 5th floor where it wasn't all that bad, all i thought of is that, this pain will only last this few steps and after that i would lay on my bed and it wasn't hard at all after that, makes me wish that they have a 6th floor (Sarcasm), yeah and the same thing happen, they say the same thing that i would lose weight, which i actually did, but i gained more now that i'm back, cause after i went back after finishing the third semester, people kept saying that i look slimmer, yeah but then i tried to do the diet thing at home, but man, i feel like my parents don't want me to lose weight even though they support me and keep saying lose your weight, well i can't, not like this.
So, i started going downstairs and my leg hurts so friggin much, each steps is like taking a nail under my right foot, that's how much it hurts, not that i advice you to do so, i'm just metaphorizing, so after all that hurt, i finally got to the first floor, and as predicted, my parents were sound asleep, but then i woke them up asking for Panadol or Paracetamol, i don't know if you know that cause that would look bad for me, i meant that's like one of the advantages of having a mom as nurse, i learned the real name of medicine, or the scientific name, but i'm pretty sure you know all of them. So i took two tablets and quickly swallow them with a bottle of water that's about to finish, so i climb back up, but the effect didn't started after a couple of hours, but i manage to sleep, so that's a good thing.
Then today, my dad kinda rub or massage my feet, all i can say is AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!, no not AWW for cute, but AWWWWWWWWW, yeah that's what i say when i'm in pain, but i'm glad it's over, but it made it so much harder to walk, i don't know how long will this injury last, but i want it go away as soon as possible, but to be honest, i kinda wish it stayed, no i'm not crazy, but it's just that it's rare to be given the opportunity to feel a pain like this, i just hope that it's not permanent, cause that would be bad.
I guess that's as much as i can write for now, but that's a long post, well i guess it kinda made up for a month of not writing, but here's to MAY, i might actually lose my daily reader, but it's okay, cause i'm grown, well probably, but thanks for supporting me all this time just by reading a post, it means so much to me, and just the fact that you finish reading this, is well, i can't really give you anything, but that's a long post you just read, at least you accomplish one thing, that is finishing reading this post which i spent probably an hour or two writing, so give your self a round of applause for finishing this, even if you didn't read the whole thing.
Last words: Give me a comment or anything, it could be anything, even just a simple hello would be fine, come on, don't be shy, do it. I wish this was a video so that i could say stuff like, do it, click the yellow button, yeah, my life revolves around Youtube now.
